Confronting the Bullies of Fear and Envy

“He hates and loves the Ring, as he hates and loves himself. He will never be rid of his need for it.” (Gandalf about Gollum

I recently took up an old habit of meditation, during which time I made some interesting discoveries about myself. As I reflected on my inner life, I was quickly confronted by the old “bullies on my block”, certain fears that have haunted me for as long as I can remember. Upon closer examination, I discovered that my fears had company and that for every fear, there was corresponding envy to go with it. Hmm, I asked myself, “why is it that fear and envy appear to travel together?” I continued my investigation, taking a careful inventory of these bullies. I identified three basic insecurities:
1. I am afraid of the uncertainty of life.
2. I am haunted by my past losses and I dread future losses.
3. I am especially afraid of the pain associated with personal relationships, specifically the pain associated with being unwanted or rejected.

When I brought my fears out into the light for roll call, I began to see what envy was up to and how it was related to my fears. I saw that envy was a parasite, a termite feasting on the wood-pile of my fears. I could see how envy was feasting on my fear of uncertainty – for I envy those people who seem to be, more or less, managing their life in a predictable and rewarding way. I saw how envy was feasting on my fear of loss – for I envy those people who appear to be always gaining and rarely if ever losing.

I realized that while envy has a voracious appetite for fear, it especially savors the fear of being unwanted and rejected. Truth be told, I have always longed to be one of the “blessed” people, those celebrated for their “quality”; but my fear, of course, is that I am at best average and at worst, “no damn good” . . . and so envy continues to feast. I envy those people who are recognized and esteemed in ways that I can only dream of . . . and envy keeps feeding.

Envy feeds on my fears, becoming engorged and yet, strangely, my fears are neither consumed nor diminished. In fact, my fears continue to grow . . . what if people could hear these thoughts of mine? What if others knew how insecure I was? What if my friends could see how envious and petty I really was? (Delete > Move to Trash).

Lars and the Real Girl

Faith and the Real World

These last few days I have been busy reflecting and actively discussing our recent live stream gathering that took place this last Sunday at 11 AM. Now, before the gathering, my expectations were very low. But since the experience, I want to say how very grateful I am for the participation of those who showed up, as well as for those who have since “caught up.” I also want to say that I am feeling very encouraged, for I believe that we have begun a conversation that is compelling and worth continuing. I can only hope you feel the same way!

One of the participants in our gathering recently posed the following question, “So the chasm, from what I hear you saying, is nothing we can cross outside of Christ?” My first knee-jerk response to her question was to say, “Yeah, Jesus closes all the chasms that we cannot bridge.” But then I went back and listened to our session, and I discovered that my answer was a bit of a misfire. If I were to summarize my message, I would say that the big idea is not simply that Jesus is the “fix” to our problems. The deeper point that I want us to consider is that there are certain chasms that must be faced and crossed. The first is what I call the “classic chasm”, the chasm between God and the individual, which is effectively bridged through faith in Jesus Christ. But just around the bend, there lies yet another chasm . . .

Thankfully, my nephew Jordan posted the following comment, “I wanted to drop in and say that I enjoyed the tie-in with the aforementioned ‘bridging’ and it being not only an “us to God” but also the bridge of Natural with the Spiritual.” His comment immediately got me back on track with where we are headed in this conversation and where we need to go. For it is with this particular chasm, the one that separates the natural from the spiritual and the sacred from the secular, that we are presently concerned. I recently shared regarding my own struggle, how for the past 35 years I have sought in vain to find a bridge capable of spanning the chasm.

Now, historically, religion has served as a reliable bridge between the two spheres, heaven, and earth. But now if we are honest, religion is no longer the bridge it once was. In my experience, as well as a few of my friends, religion has seemingly “run out of gas” – it simply lacks the power and the wisdom to bridge and unite heaven and earth. Thus, we are left with a split-screen reality and bipolar faith.

With this current post, we are well on our way into the next installment of our series: “Who is Christ for Us Today?” And, in advance of our next gathering, I am inviting your participation to help move the conversation forward. Let’s explore this issue together by sharing in the comment section (Facebook or the OC site) our own personal challenges, disappointments, questions, and discoveries pertaining to our current discussion, “Faith and the Real World.”

Now as we grapple with this issue, let’s stay mindful of the temptation to return to the “classic chasm” for our answers. In other words, we will not be able to bridge the “heaven and earth” chasm with another appeal to “getting saved” or to our own “personal revival”, worthy as both of those things are. Lastly, let’s be mindful of the temptation to call in the deus ex machina, the “god of the gaps” to bail us out.

What Is Deus Ex Machina, And Do I Need To Avoid It?

Why has it taken so long for us to have this conversation? Well, perhaps it is because no one likes admitting defeat. But there came a point for some of us, where we simply could no longer stomach another meal from the spiritual-sushi-go-round. In search of health and belonging, some of my friends have opted to return to the “mothership”, either Catholicism or Eastern Orthodox. I genuinely sympathize with their felt need to make the move. If I could, I would as well, but I just can’t do it (topic for another conversation). That said, I no longer have a relationship with the “spiritual service industry.” For now, anyway, I guess you could say, I have opted for the spiritual orphanage.

So, in bringing the OC back online, it was my intention and my desire to start or rather to open up a conversation to others (a conversation that I have been forging with a group of close friends for over a decade now). My hope for the OC is that this will be a place where life and faith (theology with both head and heart) are getting worked out among friends – a risky conversation among a safe and supportive cohort. Now as we all know, a digital/virtual network is a fragile medium, but together we can make it something more, something personal, something real! See you this Sunday!

the OC Sails Again!

About five years ago we shuttered the OC and stopped sharing our life-transforming, weight-reducing, and IQ raising content with the world. You might say that the OC has been sheltering in place for several years now. And while I can’t say that we are “back by popular demand”, we are back nonetheless. To the old congregants, welcome back! And to our first-time visitors, and to our unpaid interns, welcome aboard!

Now you might be wondering what exactly prompted this unanticipated comeback. Well, it started a few weeks ago. It was before the pestilence arrived, and before we turned off the world. I was feeling what you might call, an inner stirring. “Perhaps”, I thought, “it’s time to venture out, start up a new conversation.” And then I thought, “what if we got the band back together?!” So that’s what we are doing. Call in the congregation!

So, as we prepare to recommission the OC, I have invited a pair of distinguished guests to tell us about their experience sailing in uncharted waters. Our first guest is a decorated Vietnam war hero and one of the founding members of Bubba Gump Shrimp. Today he will be sharing a life-defining experience from his best-selling book entitled, “I Gave the Middle Finger to God and Lived to Tell About It.” Now please join me in giving a warm welcome to Lt. Dan Taylor!

Now we are honored to have as our next guest speaker, a man who is familiar with both sea-faring adventure and middle-age career comebacks. He is the Captain of the Belafonte and the founding member of Team Zissou and he will be talking about the bond between a captain and his crew. Please welcome, Captain, Steve Zissou!

“If you’re not against me, don’t cross the line . . . “

Well, thank you Lt. Dan and Captain Zissou for those inspiring words. Now as we conclude this recommissioning ceremony, let me encourage all those “who are not against us” to give a shout in the comment section below! Lastly, if everything goes as planned, the OC will be providing a live-stream this Easter Sunday, “Who is Christ for Us Today?” I’ll keep you posted on the details of that event. So, until then, keep it classy, and thanks for stopping by!

Send in the Congregation!